GO FROGS!!

Well, I'm happy and relieved to say that I survived my first round of tests. YEA!! My next round of tests begin October 2. Until then I will continue my "normal" regimen of studying about 10+ hours a day. Sadly, two fellow CRNA students have already dropped out of the program (for undisclosed reasons). The idea of not passing my tests and having to drop out of the program is nearly traumatic to me at this point. I can't even imagine it...I have too much to lose. I do know this...Christmas is going to feel extra SWEET this year! I get nearly a month off between semesters and I'll be back home in Oklahoma permanently with all my wonderful friends and family!

On a lighter note, tomorrow is TCU's first home game of the season and we play Texas State. TCU is currently ranked 15th (not too shabby, eh?). I will be taking a break from my studying tomorrow night to show my school spirit by attending the game tomorrow night at 6 pm. It will mark the first college football game I have EVER attended! Pretty sad, huh? I look forward to the break, as it will be nice to get out and enjoy some fresh air, and support the team of the school I LOVE!! GO FROGS!!

When it rains, it pours

Life has been absolutely CRAZY for me over the past few weeks! Murphy's Law went into effect pretty much right after I moved to Fort Worth. Two days before my very first CRNA class, my LCD monitor on my laptop decided to blow out! I ended up having to go to Wal-Mart to buy a cable to hook my laptop up to my LCD television just so I could use my computer!!! My living room in my apartment turned into a circus in a matter of minutes! There were wires and cables everywhere. To top things off, I had to put my printer on the floor so it could reach my laptop, which had to remain hooked up to my non-mobile 32-inch screen LCD tv. Because my laptop got so hot I had to place a blanket underneath the laptop to protect the table from the heat (since I'm renting the furniture and have NO desire to buy it).

CRNA school is no-doubt tough. I'm nearly 3 weeks into the program and I've never studied so much in my life. The wealth of information that is fed to us is nothing short of phenomenal. It's a good experience, though. I feel very fortunate, everyday, that I have been allowed this opportunity. Yes, it's a challenge. But what fun is life if you can't challenge yourself, right? I had my very first test this past Friday (September 11) in Anatomy and Physiology. I didn't think it was all that bad, but I had studied extensively for it. That being said, I won't get my grade on it until Monday (September 14). I have a Pharmacology exam Monday and a Chemistry exam on Wednesday. The weekdays are so congested with new information that I spend the weekends just trying to catch-up from the week (absorb all the new info). I am slowly finding my study routine and getting into my groove. It isn't uncommon for me to spend 8 hours or more a day studying (on the average). Days I have class all day (10 am-5 pm) I come home and study from about 6pm-11pm, and then on my "off" days I study about 10 hours or so (including the weekends). Everyone is different, though. This is just the regimen that seems to be working for me. No matter what, though, I make sure I get adequate sleep. I do manage to sleep about 8 hours a night. Things aren't ALWAYS work, work, work. For example, after this past A&P test on Friday, Tarran and I thought a little "de-briefing" was in order, so we went to a little bar/grill called "Snookies" and had a purple margarita, which they lovingly refer to as a "Frogarita!"

My birthday was Wednesday, September 9. I am now 32 years old. Booooooo. I did spend my birthday in Fort Worth, which was unfortunate as I did not get to be with close friends and family in my hometown. I tried to look at it like it was just another day. My sister sent me flowers (see pic below) which was very thoughtful indeed.




I wasn't completely alone. Friends and family called me and sent me all kinds of messages. I still felt very special. It was a pretty great day after all. Chris gave me a special gift. He "wrapped" it up Chris-style in towels and rubber-bands (see below). He got me a brand new netbook computer and peripheral speakers! It was absolutely perfect because I could have a monitor again and actually use my tv for what it was intended for (not that I ever have time)! And I didn't have to be confined to the couch/coffee table anymore. Additionally, the netbook has a built-in webcam and microphone so Chris and I can chat back and forth that way and feel a little closer to each other. I couldn't have asked for a better birthday gift that came at the most perfect time. Here's the pic of Chris's beautiful wrap job! I love him!!!

Up until now, being away from Tulsa (and everyone in it) has been extremely tough on me. I've always been a very independent person who enjoys quality "alone" time, so it really surprised me how difficult it was on me. Inch by inch, day by day, it's gotten a little easier. I think I can say I'm finally "adjusted." Well, I don't cry anymore, anyway. Ha! Ha! I plan on driving home in a couple of weekends, so that also gives me something to look forward to. First things first, though....gotta go study for Pharmacology and Chemistry exams!!!

So Hard Already!

Ok, so I got all moved into my apartment in Fort Worth, TX on August 19. It's a nice, quiet, modest apartment on the top floor. It's pretty comfortable, and although my rented furniture is damaged and tattered in several places and made of particle board that is falling apart in places, the sofa and chair are comfy and the dresser houses my clothing nicely. That's really all I asked for. My only complaint is there is apparently a small child that lives across from my apartment as I hear him screaming at least a couple of times a day. That is annoying, but manageable. It is hot, hot, hot here in Fort Worth. The last couple of days I've been jealous of my friends and family back in Tulsa who have been enjoying high temperatures in the 80s, while I'm melting here in TX with highs in the high 90s to low 100s! Below are a couple of pics of my new, temporary home.....

Orientation at TCU for the Nurse Anesthesia program was Friday, August 21. It was all day from 8:30 am until 3 pm. We had a nice orientation dinner that night at 6:00 pm. It was an enjoyable day and the interactions I had with the students, professors and the program director made me even more certain that I had picked the perfect program for me! Everyone is very friendly, supportive and eager to help us succeed. We were able to interact with CRNA students (or RRNAs as TCU calls them--meaning Resident Registered Nurse Anesthetists) one and two years ahead of us, asking them any questions we wanted and soaking up all their wisdom. While their tips were helpful, I still felt terrified. I want so badly to succeed and do well, but after constantly hearing things like "I'd never do it again," "it's the hardest thing you'll ever do," and "you need to dedicate about 10 hours a day for studying to pass," I feel very discouraged. I've been told by several people that after about the first 3 tests I'll be asking myself, "what did I get myself into??" Yes, I'm scared to death.

To make matters worse, Chris just went home tonight after spending the weekend with me, helping me settle in and feel a little less homesick. We are not used to spending even a day apart so this has been pretty difficult on me. Before I left for Fort Worth on the 19th, Chris made me a little care package to kick off my new "adventure." This care package included a very sweet card, a "welcome" mat for my apartment, a bookbag/computer bag and gummy bear vitamins! He knows I hate swallowing large pills so he bought me those to keep my immune boosted and my body full of energy. Below is a pic of the care package that Chris left for me...

We had a great weekend together. He came with me to orientation dinner, and he got to meet some of my classmates and their husbands. I've found I seem to get along well with Tarran, one of the CRNA students from Tulsa. We both used to work at the same facility (we didn't know each other then). We seem to have a few things in common, including the fact that we are both very nervous about starting CRNA school and we are both heartbroken about having to leave our significant others behind. It's really scary when you're in a new place where you don't know anyone, about to start the most grueling task ever, while your main support group is in another state! It makes you feel very insecure, and there is some comfort in befriending people who you know are going through the same things as you are. In a way, our lives have been turned upside-down overnight and, to us, it feels as if we're in a state of crisis. Naturally, that has helped many of us quickly join together and become fast friends. Tarran and I are no exception to this.

Chris and I did not do a whole lot this weekend. We pretty much just explored the area, ate at a couple of new places we had never heard of and rented some movies. Saturday night Chris and I, and Tarran and her husband, Mike, got together and went to the "Movie Tavern" here in Fort Worth. We do not have one of these in Oklahoma so it was very neat. It's a concept where you watch a movie but you can order dinner and drinks as well. The theaters do not seat as many as a normal theater, but that is because everyone gets their own little table. We watched "District 9." It was ok, but very different to say the least. Below are a couple of pics from this weekend...

I miss Chris so much already! He left me at 8:30 tonight to head back to Tulsa. Of course, I cried. In fact, I cried most of the day today in anticipation of him leaving me. This is going to be hard. It's one of the many sacrifices that have to be made to pursue my dream, though. I knew this day was going to come...I just didn't think it would be so hard on me. It's all going to be ok, though. I know this. One day at a time. Tomorrow (August 24) is my first day of class! Here I gooooooooooo..............

I'm going to CRNA school!!!

My nursing career began December, 2001, when I graduated from an ADN (Associate Degree Nurse) program through Tulsa Community College in Tulsa, OK. I worked on a general medical floor in a large acute-care facility and quickly found that I was unhappy in that setting and would not be able to pursue my nursing career any longer on that floor. I became stagnant and felt the urge to continue my education and grow, both in my knowledge and in my skills.

At this point I, surprisingly, had never heard of a CRNA (Certified Registered Nurse Anesthetist) until one day on the floor I overheard another nurse talking about the profession. Instantly I was intrigued, so I asked her some questions regarding what she knew about CRNAs and used her responses as a jumping-off point so I could go home and begin my own extensive research of the profession of "passing gas." The research went on for months and the more I learned, the more I realized becoming a CRNA seemed like a perfect fit for me! I shadowed a CRNA and became increasingly excited, dreaming about a profession that would allow me to use my extensive knowledge, critical thinking skills and vigilant assessment skills every day in a autonomous setting to provide comfort and safety to people. Wow....I was in awe.

All my CRNA research proved successful in teaching me about the profession but it also allowed me to realize I had a looong way to go yet before I could even think about applying to CRNA school! I needed to go back to school and obtain my Bachelor's degree and spend at least 1-2 years in an Intensive Care Unit (ICU) just for starters. Whew...I remember how overwhelming and scary it all seemed back then, but I was determined to pursue my dream, so I marched on. In October, 2004, I transferred to the medical ICU setting. I was in for a wake-up call! I knew it was going to be a big change and take me out of my comfort zone, but I had no clue as to what degree. There was so much more to learn than I could have ever imagined. I didn't know anything about ventilators except for what their primary function was, I didn't know anything about common vasopressor drugs, or the fact that the nurses in the ICU were allowed an hour for lunch, whereas we were only allowed 30 minutes on the floor (or whatever length of time we could squeeze in a sandwich before having to tend to someone's pain or nausea medication regimen). I was lost and humbled beyond belief. Fortunately, I worked with some AWESOME nurses who were seasoned and knowledgeable, patient, kind and willing to give constructive criticism. They were great teachers, and before I knew it, things were starting to make sense! I found that I really enjoyed working in the ICU and especially loved all the educational opportunities that were around every corner!

I went back to school to pursue my Bachelor's degree and graduated from the University of Oklahoma in May, 2007. For the next year, I continued to soak up all the various educational opportunities that were available to me while working in the ICU. I also frequently "floated" to the Trauma/Surgical ICU where I was able to gain additional experience with those fragile folks. I made many friends along the way and found out what the "less glamorous" side of nursing was all about (I won't go into detail here). I also learned that when you're taking care of the sickest of the sick, you see the "less glamorous" side of patients and their loved-ones as well.

In preface, let me say this...Oklahoma does not have a single CRNA program. Not one. This created another stressor because this would mean I would have to move away to another state to go to school. However, I found that TCU in Fort Worth was the only school that offered an option where you complete the first semester in Fort Worth near campus and are able to complete the rest of the program via videoconferencing, etc. out of my hometown of Tulsa! TCU has contracted with clinical sites here in Tulsa to allow this option. I was happy and relieved about that! Consequently, because TCU was the only school that allowed this option and because the program had an exceptional reputation (with a 100% Board pass rate multiple years in a row), TCU became number 1 on my list. But, because I was so eager and ready to begin CRNA school, I did not want to put all of my eggs in one basket, so I looked at applying to several programs. Upon researching the admission requirements of these CRNA programs I was applying to, I decided to obtain my CCRN certification. It's basically a critical care certification that, when obtained, shows you and the world that you "know your stuff" in the critical care arena. Some programs require the certification, and others strongly recommend it. At any rate, I determined it would be a great thing to have in my corner, so I studied hard and passed my CCRN test in March, 2008! After this hurdle was behind me, I thought to myself, "wow, is this all really happening? Am I really nearly ready to apply to CRNA school?" Now, it was time to think about taking the GRE (Graduate Record Exam). No fun at all. Every school I was applying to required the GRE, so I had no choice but to suck it up and drudge through it. Ugh.

Fall, 2008, I sent out applications to 6 CRNA programs I would like to attend. I felt very fortunate that I received interview letters from every school I applied to! Because getting into CRNA school is so competitive, the application process/interviews are held nearly a year before the desired start date which, in my case, is Fall, 2009. Of course, TCU (my first choice of schools) was my first scheduled interview on January 8 at 1:15 pm. I was very nervous, but tried to relax the best I could through it. There was a panel of three interviewers. They were very friendly and the questioning was very laid-back. It seemed to simply be an interview geared towards getting to know who I was and what my goals were. I was allowed to ask questions as well. The interview lasted approximately 35 minutes. After the interview was put to bed, the waiting game was nothing short of traumatic. It was only a little over a week from my interview date that I received my acceptance letter from TCU (see below), but it might as well have been 6 months. That day was one of the happiest days of my life! My hard work had finally paid off!

Now, it's time for the real challenge...getting through CRNA school!! I've heard nothing short of horror stories from each and every current and former CRNA student I've asked about the rigors of the program. They all say it's "doable," but most of them agree they wouldn't do it again, now knowing what they know about how very stressful the program is. Yes, it's all very frightening to me to hear these things, but what can I do? I have to just jump in and hope for the best! One chapter of my life has closed and another one is beginning. My bags are packed and I'm ready to begin this new, exciting, challenging adventure! I'm ready to focus and do the work. "Beat me up, Scottie!"

My last day of work at the acute care hospital I worked at was August 4. I wanted to take a couple of weeks off to rest, reset and organize things before my move to Fort Worth on August 19th. It was difficult saying goodbye to everyone I had learned to love, respect and consider family at the "pink palace" (as we lovingly called the hospital) for nearly 9 years of my life! It's nicknamed that because the entire structure is built out of pink concrete!

Because I'm only going to be living in Fort Worth for the first semester of school (approx. 4 months), I'm going to travel very lightly. I do not plan on bringing any large furniture (that's what furniture rental companies are for!) or any dishes (that's what paper plates and paper cups are for!). I'm simply going to bring a couple pots and pans, a can opener, a set of silverware that I already own, clothes and few other odds and ends (see pic below). My official start date is August 21 and I couldn't be more ecstatic!!

Chris is very excited for me as well. We both know we're going to miss each other like crazy. Chris constantly tries to reassure me, saying "we'll be fine...we'll get through it. It's just 4 months. We can do anything for 4 months." He's right, I know. At any rate, I'm not ignorant to the fact that this little time of separation will be a bit of a culture shock to us both. Being able to see each other day in and day out (every day!) like we have for the past 14 months is a luxury we just won't have for a while. We've never been apart, so this is definitely going to test us.

Fort Worth, here I come! Say a prayer for me and wish me luck!

Chris and Angela...the best love story ever told

Chris is the love of my life. He makes everything better.

I met Chris about 3 years ago, as we both work at the same acute-care facility. He is 8 years younger than I, so neither he nor I ever considered taking our friendship to the next level. He is an EKG technician and I am a critical care RN. We both work night shift (7p-7a). Initially I thought Chris was a bit arrogant and most likely full of himself. Regardless of my preconceived negative opinion of Chris, he carried himself with an air of confidence that intrigued me. I slowly got to know him in passing and before I knew it I actually thought he was pretty nice and a reasonably fun guy to talk to! More months went by and I found myself actually looking forward to the times he would come by my busy unit in the ICU with his EKG cart just to say "hi." He made me laugh like no one else could and we seemed to share the same sarcastic, "no one ever gets me" kind of humor. There was an undeniable sense of chemistry between us and everyone else around us could see it too.

In June, 2008, I decided to take up ballroom dance lessons. I had always wanted to do that. Dancing has always come fairly naturally to me, and it's something I've always loved to do. I took dance lessons for 14 years of my life growing up...tap, jazz and ballet. If nothing else, these lessons early in my life taught me rhythm and how to count beats. Anyway, the only thing I lacked in my quest to begin ballroom lessons was a good partner. So, one night at work I approached Chris somewhat nervously and began with "I've signed up to take ballroom dance lessons but I do not have a partner yet..." Before I even had the chance to ask Chris, he volunteered "I'll do it!" I was so excited! Not only was I going to finally get to learn ballroom, but the man I secretly (or not so secretly) adored was going to be my partner! I couldn't wait!

Up until this point we had established a friendship, but had never spent time together outside of work! On June 19 (the day before our first ballroom dance lesson), Chris invited me to breakfast. He stated he thought it would be strange for us to not have at least spent a little time together outside of work before having our bodies shoved up against each other during our lesson. I agreed. Admittedly I was pretty nervous. We met at Mimi's cafe after a long night at work for breakfast. After only 2 minutes my nerves vanished. It felt like we were the best friends in the whole world, like I had known him my entire life (sorry about the cliche!). He had me in tears laughing, and we both had the best time ever. It was at this breakfast that I found out how Chris felt about me. He slipped up and said "I have such a great time with you at work. I always look for your car in the parking garage to see if you're going to be working that night. You seem to be the only one that drives a black Honda....." Now, Chris did not yet pick up on the fact that he now seemed like a stalker (I thought it was cute, by the way....not creepy), so I kind of cocked my eyebrow and said "Hmmmm...the only black Honda, huh? So, do you drive up all 5 levels of the parking garage to know this??" His expression than changed to one that appeared horrified. "Oh God," he said, "Oh God." I laughed so hard, but I think he was utterly embarrassed beyond belief until breakfast was over.

Ballroom dance classes were a lot of fun. We did them in groups with some of our friends which, although much cheaper, ended up costing us more in the long-run while also causing us much frustration. Every week it seemed we were adding new couples and old couples disappeared. What this meant was Chris and I (being the good little students that showed up for EVERY lesson) were way ahead of everyone else and we had to constantly be reviewing things to catch the new people up. After about 3 or 4 expensive lessons coming and going, without us learning a stitch of anything new, we stopped going all together. We vowed someday we would do the lessons again, but with private lessons only.

By the time we had discontinued our lessons, Chris and I were officially a couple. We had virtually professed our undying love for one another and our new romantic relationship was in full swing. We knew early on that we were "the One" for one another. What "they" say about "when you know, you know" is absolutely true! In fact, what "they" say about "it will happen when you're not looking or when you least expect it" is true as well! Before I met Chris, I had heard all of these cliches and more. I couldn't stomach any other romantic "advice" people felt the need to shove my way. I was 29 years old and society says you're an "old maid" if you haven't married and had a couple of kiddos by then. Sure, that's what I wanted for my own life as well, but you just can't force these things. I had kissed a million frogs before I began dating Chris. In fact, ironically, Chris was the guy I told many of my pathetic dating stories to! We were genuinely "just friends" and I felt comfortable talking to him about such sensitive things. It was nice to get a male's perspective on things and it was equally nice to hear Chris call most of these "old frogs" of mine, "jerks." When I fell for Chris I was absolutely not looking for ANY relationship. I had recently gotten out of yet another short-term "frog" situation that I knew was wrong for me from the beginning. I was just burned out on all of it. Additionally, I was just beginning the process of applying to CRNA school and I was not sure if I would have to move or not, so I had decided to not only NOT start any sort of relationship, but not even go on a single date with anyone. It was time once again to focus on myself and my life-long goals and I did not want anyone or anything to distract me from it. Well, needless to say, sometimes God has other plans. I always tease Chris by saying "you snuck in the back way. I didn't even see you coming."

We celebrated our one year anniversary on June 19, 2009. We have currently been dating approx. 14 months now. He has officially asked my father for his permission to marry me. Yes, Chris told me. He was apparently too excited to keep it to himself!! Ha! Ha! My dad gave Chris his blessing. Now, the waiting begins.... Over the past year we've developed a greater friendship and love for one another than I could ever know of. I didn't know what I didn't know. This is what I've been looking for my entire life! We respect each other every day and never say an unkind word to one another. We are both very sensitive to each other and our moods. Chris knows instantly if I'm bothered by something and he'll ask me about it. This is good for me, though, because it forces me to communicate and discuss things/issues while they're happening, whereas in other relationships I would just bury the issue until I exploded later, because whomever I was dating at the time settled for my "nothing is wrong" copout. I've never been happier in my life, and Chris and I agree that we have the "best love story ever told!"